ASEAN – Abnormal South-East Asian Nations
by Esile the Raven
Summary: Not only the Allies fight each others during meetings. Not only the Axis that have endless issues among themselves. Yes, not only the Allies, or the Axis, or the G8 hold pointless meetings, making undone plans, arguing and suggesting crazy ideas. There's the 10 members of the ASEAN. And Singapore could only sit and watch with headache, every time.


_Happy belated Hetaday, even if I should've made this last Friday...oh, that rhymed!_

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><p><strong>ASEAN – Abnormal South-East Asian Nations<strong>  
><em>October 26th 2014<em>  
>by Esile the Raven, Hetalia by Himaruya Hidekaz<p>

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><p>It was a day off for Singapore, and by coincidence, he met China and England at Spain's Cafe. Oh, wait, Spain's Cafe? Well, well. We might have to re-do this chapter from the entrance then...<p>

Singapore, a nation who just wanted to relax, opened the door and the bell chimed, instantly summoning the cafe's owner, who was all smile and loud.

"Ahh! A customer~!" Spain greeted loudly, not letting the Asian nation to take a seat. "Oh, wow, it's been a while since it's this crowded! Oh my, I now have three customers here! Fusosososo~" he swung his body happily. "Ah, customer, how was your day? Did you have a good time?"

Singapore hated this nosy hospitality. He wanted to relax.

He wanted to forget whatever happened in the last fifteen minutes.

He wanted to forget the chaos and random craziness happened whenever the ASEAN held a meeting.

And this bloody nation was trying to dig back those memories.

"Oh, okay, okay, you should sit here, with the other customers! Oh, happy day...Here, take this t-shirt! I made this for everyone who visit here!"

Spain handed his infamous SHUT UP t-shirt.

Singapore wished that Spain would shut up if he did wear that, but Spain was dense, so there was no way around it. While Spain was busy talking about how he could only serve instant coffee instead of actually making it, Singapore just turned to the other customers.

Which were a collection of other depressed and tired nations; England and China.

"Oh, dad. And _Koko_," he noted, and they all nodded in understanding.

Going to this cafe was a bad idea. But this was better than going to Germany's. They wouldn't be able to relax, and would be dismissed as soon as they finished their coffee. Though sometimes Spain's loudness was quite suffocating.

"And since he's dug out all the painful memories," England sipped his coffee—despite he ordered tea—and leaned his chin to his hand. "Maybe he should start asking about the inflation, the war, the failed bargains, the chaotic pointless meetings..."

"Aiya...maybe we should just start complain about America," China said. "Though I prefer complaining about America with Japan, instead of Opium, aru," he sulked again, sniffing his coffee.

"Beggars can't be chooser, git,"

"I'm not a beggar, aru,"

"Don't start here," Singapore warded the fight off, as he had enough of shenanigans for that day. "If you want to hit someone, we should beat Spain right now,"

England and China cancelled it off and drunk their coffee bitterly.

"Right, I was wondering," England started again with a new found topic, "I suppose it's more relaxing for the ASEAN, isn't it?"

Singapore flinched and glanced at his 'dad' in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"Aiya, right, aru. The ASEAN have manners and calm and friendly to each other, aren't they, aru?" China asked with a wry smile. "I wish the Allies would be that way, aru..."

"Indeed...I'm sure there's no wine-bastard, hero-complex idiot and the likes among the ASEAN, I suppose..."

Singapore limply dropped his recently delivered cup of instant coffee, staring at the two of the Allies in disbelief.

"You really think that ASEAN can't be more irritating and crazier than the Allies...?"

~.X.~

Singapore always could only sit there and wondered why he even joined the ASEAN. Sometimes he'd gladly hand his seat to Timor Leste, but then the ASEAN will definitely lose their cool. So he just sat there and watched as his sisters and brothers with their 'colorful' personalities proceeded the meetings.

"Alright, so are we going to send help to Pakistan?" Brunei started off. It was always a normal beginning...and then...

"Sure, lah! We're on it!" Malaysia always loved to help. "Are we going for supportive or offensive type of help?" she asked.

"Even if you decide on offensive, I can only offer supportive, ana~" Thailand grinned. "I have a lot of rice to share, ana~ Or if you want me to be offensive, maybe we can make it raining torrent shots of bags of rice, ana?" he suggested.

Singapore silently sighed. And so it began...

"Oh! Genius, Thailand!" Philippines smiled as she imagined bags of rice falling down the sky. "Wow, rice bombs, that is revolutionary! Just imagine if they do that in _Attack on Titan_. The Titans will quickly die, or they'd try to eat the rice and they got so full and explode!"

"Aish, that's not good. That's wasting good food! God will be angry!" Brunei quickly objected.

"Yeah, yeah! Wasting rice is bad!" Myanmar agreed. "Just remember so many people are starving all over the world, and you want to use food as weapon?"

"Hey, why are we heading off to the offensive type of help?" Laos asked. "I prefer the supportive type of help. Sending out Red Cross Volunteers, making a donation, wouldn't that be better?"

Everyone hummed in agreement. "Well, that will do as well. Though what will happen if our volunteers got involved in the attack...?" Cambodia asked everyone.

And the first to answer was Vietnam, surprisingly.

"Nothing will happen." She said stoically. "They just...die..."

And the atmosphere was down to the gutter. And Malaysia was irritated.

"Oh, so we're implying about that America git! " she huffed. "Just because he had a crazy sense of freedom, doesn't mean he can do anything on the battlefield! He can't just dismiss other nations' volunteer! That'll make him a villain! Indonesia!" she pointed at the nation that was surprisingly had been silent.

"Oh, ya?"

"What do you say? Don't you think we should be on the offensive and kick that bloody git!?"

Singapore had stopped praying the moment Malaysia asked Indonesia to speak. It's the opening of the Hell gate.

"Yes, I agree!" Indonesia said, slightly dazed. "Though he's still holding onto my gold mine and is illegally attacking my native people in Irian, I guess we should be offensive, ya!" she laughed nervously. "No...I don't know...I really am not sure...Can we think about this later? I'm still having a big debt to that guy..."

Malaysia got even more irritated every time Indonesia was being so indecisive about acting against America (this is really true). "Oh, come on now! Why are you afraid of him?"

"I'm not afraid of him! I just...I change my mind, we should go for supportive," Indonesia quickly nodded to Vietnam and Brunei.

"Indonesia!" Malaysia pressed again. "Stop being so afraid of America! Besides your debts to him are insane, it's illegal! Other nations had stopped paying the interest, why don't you stop now?"

"I...am not...afraid...of America!" Indonesia slammed her hands to the table. "I'm trying to protect Irian, okay!?"

"Why don't you rely on Russia, ana?" Thailand asked.

Indonesia flinched. "Do you really...want to make the World War III happen, Kak Thailand...?" she asked in fear.

Everyone fell silent for a while, actually giving it a thought. Singapore sighed in relief, thinking that it was all over, but no.

"Okay, let's make a plan!" Brunei started off a completely brand new topic. "We should make a plan for World War III! Are we going to rule over the world or are we going to be defensive?"

"We should cover the world with rice, ana~!" Thailand was excited.

"No, no, no ruling over nations—I've made an oath about that in my _Pembukaan UUD 1945_..._Invasion all over the world has to be banished, because it disagrees with humanity and justice_," Indonesia objected as she recounted her _Preambule_ that was read every Monday Ceremony.

"Okay! So we'll be supportive to the nations that are in need of help, and we'll agree that we're not going to side to other nations. We're going to stand as the ASEAN. Do you agree about this, Vietnam?" Malaysia asked.

Vietnam nodded quietly.

"Okay! So what's the supportive plan?" Cambodia asked.

"It seems that the next war will be dominated between Russia and America again, on Ukraine. Canada might be playing a role too...I wonder if North Korea will be dragged into this whole thing? I mean, he's with Russia, right?" Myanmar asked, re-reading the last World Events.

"Wait...if that's the case..." everyone then glared to Indonesia. "You...what about you and Russia?"

"Oh, yeah, that," she laughed. "My plan is, I will build a neutral barrier like Kak Switzerland around the ASEAN, and then if Russia and America are going to fight at my house, I will _Santet_ them. Though I would only make Kak Russia get diarrhea and America might get Ebola..."

"That's called siding," everyone deadpanned.

"Idiot. If you do that, you can't build a neutral barrier, lah!" Malaysia shook her head. "Singapore, Australia and I will ask _Dad_ to send bombs of rotten scones to blast Russia and America! Then there will be no war, lah!"

"Oh! Rotten Scones Bomb! What a dangerous-sounding, revolutionary weapon!" Philippines was always interested with these crazy weapons. "Maybe if England used that as a weapon, America wouldn't have his freedom, huh?"

"Everyone, please focus!" Brunei pleaded. "I thought we'd agree that ASEAN is going to be neutral but supportive to the nations in need! We've promised that we'll help to develop each other and keep peace on earth. Sending Rotten Scones Bomb is bad. _Santet_ is bad. Those are sinful!"

"Maybe we should just ignore the war?" Laos suggested. "We can build a neutral barrier like Indonesia suggested, and mind our own business?"

"Yeah!" Cambodia grinned. "We'll be rich and comfortable, and then when the war is over, the ASEAN will rule over the world!"

"I thought we've agreed on not ruling over the world! Gosh, Cambodia!" Myanmar sighed impatiently.

"Ananana, don't fight, everyone~ If you start fighting, I will make you plant rice over this meeting room, ana~" Thailand raised a hand to warn them off.

"Thailand—but Cambodia is really..."

"But I doubt we can live peacefully, lah," Malaysia huffed. "Not with Indonesia's forest fire kept waving off over Singapore and I..."

Indonesia smiled. "If you really want to start a round of snapping at each other, don't drag others in this, ya?"

"Okay! So what are we going to do about Indonesia's Forest Fire?" Brunei started off yet another brand new topic.

Singapore mentally screamed. They kept returning to the first block...When the bloody hell would this be over!?

-An hour later-

"...Well it's not my fault that I have so many islands...! And for your information, it's not easy, but I manage to keep up unity despite the differences within me! What do you say to that, huh? _Bhineka tunggal ika_, ya!" Indonesia finished giving her argument.

"Ana~ You can talk about variations in you, but you still don't approve of gay rights, ana~" Thailand objected.

Several other nations flinched.

"Ugh...gay rights...?" now Malaysia and Indonesia were probably going to share the same opinions about this.

Philippines laughed. "Hehe, why the anxious face? _Yaoi_ and _Shonen_-_ai_ are true love, ha! Isn't true love something that doesn't care about genders—or anything at all? Besides, Indonesia, Malaysia, you may act like that, but you two are closet _fujoshi_..."

"Hey! Don't announce such an embarrassing thing!" Malaysia snapped.

"I-I'm not! How can that be!?" Indonesia denied, clamping her ears. "I'm not a _fujoshi!_ It can't be!"

Vietnam stared at Philippines, giving a sign that she should keep it a secret. Philippines laughed nervously at her cold stare.

"So yeah! What are we going to do about Gay Rights in the other nations aside of Thailand?" Brunei did it again...

Singapore glared at his empty glass of water, and then glanced at the clock.

-Another hour-

"...So I think it's alright to support gay rights, as long as it doesn't disturb the religious people, Ana~!" Thailand explained cheerfully.

"Indonesia can do it, since she's already got a lot of variety within her, haha!" Philippines cheered. "Though, speaking of variety, the number of immigrants among us are increasing, right? Aren't you guys worried about the ones from Africa?"

"Yeah, what if Ebola spreads here?" Laos asked.

"Right! So what are we going to do about Preventing Ebola from ASEAN countries, now?" Brunei started it again.

-Another hour-

"I know! So what is going to be our plan for gaining more popularity among the First World Nations?"

-Another hour-

"So everyone, what are we going to choose for dinner tonight?"

-Another hour-

"Alright, everyone! So, how are we going to resist America's wild cultures? Let's especially elaborate on twerking!"

-Another hour-

"Before anything! So are we going to do something so that we can apply Google Fiber Connection all over ASEAN?"

-Another hour-

"Oh yeah! So everyone, how are we going to refuse tomorrow's dinner invitation from England? Blunt or gentle?"

-Another hour-

Singapore passed out.

Everyone stopped talking at once. Malaysia rushed to Singapore's side, and Myanmar asked if an ambulance was necessary. Cambodia and Laos helped to get Singapore to the nearest sofa, and Indonesia dragged Thailand to prepare some food. Philippiness fanned Singapore while chattering, asking Singapore to wake up, while Vietnam did some _shiatsu_ for the unconscious nation.

"Is he dead?" Malaysia asked in worry.

"Singie, are you dead? I'm sure he's just hungry, don't worry Malay," Philippiness assured, brushing away Singapore's bangs to air off his forehead and continued to fan him.

"Oh, I just realized we've been holding the meetings for twelve hours!" Brunei gasped, looking at the watch for the first time after hours. "Singapore hasn't been talking at all...I wonder if he had been feeling unwell since the beginning? Oh, God, forgive my ignorance..."

"I've got some water," Laos returned into the room with a glass of water. They helped each other to make Singapore sit up. "Oh, Indonesia gave me her _cajuput oil_, maybe this will wake him up?"

Smelling the strong scent of _cajuput_, Singapore gasped awake and coughed, waving off whatever in front of his nose. "Oh, what the bloody—is that? Cajuput?"

"Singapore! Are you okay?" Cambodia asked, laughing a little. "Are you sick or something? I mean, we're all accustomed to fast, so it's surprising you'd pass out..."

Singapore rubbed his temple. "Ugh...I went to Spain's cafe last night and drank too much instant coffee..."

"Oh wow, going to Spain's coffee? A guy like you can handle so much headache," Malaysia snorted. "You should drink some water. Laos, give him that glass,"

Indonesia and Thailand returned into the room with a trolley filled with food. They were glad that Singapore was alright, and soon, the meeting table was filled with various spicy food. Everyone helped arranged the table, and they finally started to sit around the table again.

Singapore felt refreshed after drinking, and couldn't help but smile seeing everyone would be so acceptable at this time around. Sure, they often start so many topics and didn't decide anything, but without having to ask, everyone in the ASEAN were ready to help each other.

It's that silence understanding that's most important. Yes. Singapore nodded to himself. ASEAN was somewhat better in this than the Allies. Yes, it's—

"Indonesia, hand me that Chicken Rendang, lah!" Malaysia squealed.

"No, you can't order me around, you have to say 'please', ya?" Indonesia puffed her cheeks. She's quite sensitive about manners.

Malaysia was also sensitive about manners, so having her sister complained about her manners was irritating and embarrassing.

"Fine. Hmph. Never mind. My chicken rendang is better anyway," she huffed and settled with _kaeng kari_, cooked by Thailand.

Right before Malaysia and Indonesia broke into another argument, Singapore unbuttoned his shirt.

And dropped it on the floor.

"Can all of you read the words on my shirt?" he asked calmly.

Vietnam shocked the others by suddenly laughing.

Everyone silently stared at his shirt, which was blatantly saying Singapore's only opinion about them:

'SHUT UP'

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><p><strong>It's just what I think if ASEAN hold their meeting. It's loud like the Allies, but they can understand each other without having to openly decide anything, like the Axis. ASEAN ROCKS MY SOCKS. Ahem. <strong>

**I just lightly take the recent trending topics, so don't knot your panties over it, just a joke. If you like this, please add it into your favorite list, and review!**


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